Tuesday, July 29, 2008

lyrics galore

Haven't posted many of my own lyrics. Partly out of my fear of making any of them permanent creations. Once out in the ether, things tend to take on an entirely different, unshakable character, open to interpretation and criticism. Also, unlike many of my ramblings that are not related to song, lyrics seem to present almost a threat to the musician in me. Somehow, it's hard to extend confidence toward this collision of two separate arts, but at this time it is imperative that I do that, so.....

Here are some things I've penned lately (or not so lately):

"Here Rests In Honored Glory"

An icebox opens my eyes
to the beauty I've seen
the last two nights

An old woman passing by
just out of sight
out of sight, out of mind

A father to a son
wraps his knuckle on the door
of my simple heart

I'm not dreaming, I'm not dreaming, I'm not dreaming here, am I?

Running the length of
my dirty traveler's fingers across
the soft marble edge of a cross

"Here Rests In Honored Glory"
trading places with the nameless
man under my foot

we meet like an auto crash
in a field of red roses on a hill
above the sea

I'm not dreaming, I'm not dreaming, I'm not dreaming here, am I?

"Stand Still"

unfinished business
trying too hard trying too hard
endless excuses
falling apart at the seams

last night
fell asleep with my shoes on
bucket of old memories in my hand
lost and late for something
mumbling words i don't understand

running blindly into the light
moth with a death wish fluorescent demise
stand still stand still
stand still stand still

blink blink blink
no one standing there anymore
silent silent silent
then a knock at the door
answer answer answer
waiting with a familiar face

last night
fell asleep with my shoes on
bucket of old memories in my hand
lost and late for something
mumbling words I don't understand

stand still stand still
stand still stand still

"Lights and Sound"

slowly now, coming in slowly
rational thoughts rational thoughts

words and movement
lights and sound
creature of habit
ear to the ground

more than memories, changed into dreams
I try to shake them off, shake them off

plagiarism, or 'idea borrowing'

Maybe neither.

As the misguided young punks sitting opposite from me finished their conversation, packed up their shitty guitar that conveniently read 'THIS MACHINE KILLS FASCISTS,' and walked slovenly down the street I couldn't help but imagine Woody Guthrie rolling over in his grave. I hardly believe the two even know the reason a rambling pioneer from Oklahoma adopted the slogan, let alone what it would mean for a musician today to even begin to lay claim to a legacy like that. I desperately wanted to give them a copy of Dust Bowl Ballads and walk away quietly, hoping they get the message.

But maybe I'm too quick to take offense to such obviously blatant cultural plagiarism. It is entirely possible that the teen and his guitar graffiti are simply an example of someone latching onto something they don't understand, and furthermore don't know how to represent. One might pay tribute to Woody Guthrie through creating a political cartoon, or penning a song, rather than simply brandishing a piece of wood that supposedly 'KILLS FASCISTS.' I'd be willing to give them a second chance, though...

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Dear Craig

Dear Craig,

I would like to personally thank you for providing me with an opportunity to part with my most treasured possessions (many of which I said I'd never sell), during my moments of weakness and unfortunate pennilessness. Not only did I not need all the fascinating junk I've spent hours getting the right photo of for the "list," I also feel much better having burdened someone else with the responsibility of not needing this aforementioned junk. In closing, I believe wholeheartedly that you are a pioneer in waste management for the future; a true Robin Hood, redistributing goods and wealth amongst those with no unfortunate emotional connection to their worldly goods. For this you will live in somewhat eternal infamy. Good day

Monday, July 7, 2008

the artist (not formerly known as)

My brain, such as was afforded me by my forebears, has a certain penchant for forgetting to write, hence the extraordinary passing of time since my last entry. I have often thought about the merits of a routine, and how convenient it would be to follow said routine, writing this day, riding that, and so on, but it seems that the more I am in need of this mythic structure in my life, the harder it is to find.

I have been awake for a total of 14 hours, most of which were spent at work, or in transit, but I am just now sitting down with tea, listening to Coltrane, and writing here, all of which I should have started my day with. I believe most people, myself included, frequently do not know how to say YES to themselves, instead opting for a resounding OK or I GUESS to life and obsolete necessity, leaving them with nothing more than a false sense of accomplishment and worth, only to begin again the next half-satisfying day. I'm generally a positive and content person, but find myself faced with the fact that merely putting words to this backlit, electronic page means more to me than most of what I happened to accomplish otherwise today.

Most of this malcontent happens to stem from the bitter, hopefully temporary, reality that my career of choice only presents itself in a practical, lifelong reality for a select few on this planet. To be blessed with the opportunity to create for a living, to entertain, to love, to give those who are willing to listen every single artistic breath you have available, and be handsomely, or even fairly rewarded for such an act, is all but nonexistent in our society. In truth, I believe that to actually appreciate even the mere possibility of working toward such a life, one must find themselves lost in the thicket of pedestrian, everyday life, swimming in bills, working harder than they think possible, and all along the way, finding some time for themselves and their loved ones. How can someone learn to be give of themselves in the name of art if they can't manage everyday life in a simple, meaningful manner?

Considering the plight of the artist (one that I am sure has been philosophically beleaguered far to many times, yet poses a fantastic set of questions for myself specifically, and applies gracefully to the whole of humanity), I believe that this balance that we search for in everyday life is absolutely essential, and we can no more escape it than can we escape our fundamental need to create something permanent beyond ourselves. For example, although it seems desirable to abandon the daily activities that don't present any immediately obvious place of meaning in our lives, it is precisely these somewhat banal and tedious events that inform our decision-making process when creating something meaningful or lasting.

I wrote a little on this topic a few years ago that would suit this post, so I think I will end with that to conclude this train of thought.

"Revelation! One part art history (beginning with Ward-Steinman’s Analogs), another part personal experience and contemplation, and yet another part Herman Hesse, I feel energized in the most deeply affecting manner. Man’s gasping, continuous struggle with his tumbling procession toward an untimely demise is at the very root of all artistic endeavor; the reason that exists and continues to exist as a universal purveyor of character, love, feeling, and experience. Yet, as experience informs our character, shaping the notes we play, the words we choose, or the colors we apply to the canvas, we can never exist on the same plane as these things we create. Life is evolution, and as Hesse so eloquently poses, life is eternally “trickling away, changing constantly, until we finally dissolve,” but our artistic output remains unchangeable the same. Our tireless devotion to the creation of art springs forth from our need to leave behind an unchanging product of our changing spirit, wrought from love and fear of death, from the experiences we’ve had and yet to have. These sounds, words, and images we leave for the next generations to learn from and posture on are not subject to human joys and ills (which we can neither express properly or cure entirely), yet without these undeniable conditions, would not exist at all. It is our final aim to carve out of stone the innately human self that will eventually be lost, only a memory to those who will eventually be lost as well, and so on for eternity."

Monday, May 19, 2008

to the left, to the left, to the right, to the right, now freeeeeze

I have one small burned spot on only one of my feet, most likely due to the fact that as the sun laughed it's way toward the western horizon, my conspicuously charred foot, and the leg attached to it blocked the other leg from certain harmful rays of UV light. Spared by my own fucking shadow. Joy. So I'll walk for a day or so with an almost undetectable limp, which so far has only reminded me of other one-sided disasters that plague my body on a daily basis...

Right hip is sore, which I've been informed is a byproduct of my neglect to stretch before just about everything, something about a T-band?? Right shoulder still aches from an epic snowboarding accident, broken in three places years ago. Speck of dust continually present in the lower left corner of my left eye follows my words even now as I type. Apparently this is called a floater, but to me it is a continually pesky fly that likes to play between my face and whatever I'm trying desperately to admire. It's there even on the inside of my eyelid when I close my eyes. I think I hate flies more than I already did.

I could go on about my half-body fatigue for pages, but that would probably just make one of my hands hurt more than the other because I decided to use one part of the keyboard more than the other. You get the point. Next time I go on stage, just make sure to tell me to break a left leg, because we both know I'll pick one or the other...

Here are some old lyrics that begin rather directionally:

Take a look on the right
you were right i know
I walk alone, from
m y s e l f
alone.

But I'm not, I'm not, I'm not coming home...
If I can

From this fallen house you will wait
for me
inside
inside

If I could walk, I could walk alone, I would walk alone

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

.fans.

Not sure how I feel about fans. They do absolutely strange things like research you on the internet, and blow hot air at you in the absence of air conditioning. They certainly don't appeal to my unfortunate motion sickness either. Fans undulate and writhe like scared sheep at play, and induce spinning nausea while at work. They scream nonsense like, "I love you, but I've never met you," or, "I want to have your babies," and generally fill the room with an unnecessary whir. Worst of all they squeak awkwardly when not lubed properly.

Unfortunately, I have been known to dabble as a fan. When doing so, I look at videos like this:

Monday, May 12, 2008

monday mornings...

On a rare Monday morning, free of work and duty, I have time to enjoy some coffee and an excellent jalapeno bagel with whipped cream cheese.  There is not large host of things better to wake up with, and I am thoroughly convinced that when enjoyed in the proper manner, starting your day with experiences like this can quite successfully shuffle you off toward a state of bliss.  

This week is saddled up with birthdays like a fat man on a scrawny jackass.  Three to be exact.  Add in Mother's Day.  Stir.  Shake.  Pour out into a glass that's plenty more than half full.  Now going on four days without a shower or sleep in my own bed, and two of those days spent in the same set of clothes.  Need to go home and relieve myself of this otherworldly, unkempt feeling.  There's one more celebration to go, and then it's back to big business as usual.  Back to keeping my little personal economy afloat.  Feed the stock market stomach.  Keep it happy and buoyant.  Fend off the credit crunch in my bones, and spend, spend, spend my hard-earned thoughts on this big-box blog.  

During all this celebration I had two entirely different, yet equally affecting, restaurant experiences that need attention.  For Lisa's birthday, we surprised her at The Better Half in Hillcrest.  Not only was this a great experience, it was an excellent example of how a restaurant experience is supposed to be.  They were gracefully compliant with my flaky, uh-I'm-not-sure-how-many-people-we're-going-to-have-yet reservations, finally confirming only a handful of hours before the reservation time.  Lisa and I arrived for the great surprise and the friendly staff had done a great job of setting up the table with Lisa at the center and taking care of everyone's drinks.  We ordered some tasty rose champagne to celebrate and before long had our complimentary amuse bouche.  Goat cheese, mushroom, foie gras, and a few other ingredients I can't remember on top of a crostini.  The perfect two bites.  Lisa and I shared some wonderfully seasoned mussels for the first course, and when we finished off our champagne started a delicious bottle of St. Emilion Grand Cru.  Dinner for me was the "pork belly,"  and Lisa had a superb pork and cilantro pasta that seemed more Spain than France but equally as good.  Every dinner I sampled around the table was of the highest quality and incredibly flavorful.  I won't go into all of the desserts we had because they were all fantastic, especially the bread pudding.  Chef John Roberts came to our table more than once to make sure everything was to our liking and made sure we were happy as we left.  Please go to this restaurant.  One of the best meals I've ever had. 

On the flip side, we ended up at The Vine Wine Bar and Bistro in Alpine for a Mother's Day dinner.  The place has a good vibe, and were were encouraged to sit at any table we liked.  Our waitress was friendly, and the owners greeted us and wished my mom a Happy Mother's Day.  This is where the enjoyable experience ended.  After we ordered, it took nearly 30 minutes to bring our bottle of wine to the table, and her presentation of the bottle was obviously amateurish and annoying.  There's no need to continually shove the label forward as you taste the wine, during every single pour, and when the bottle goes onto the table make an observable turn of the bottle toward your patrons as if you thought for a second that we already forgot what wine we were drinking.  After waiting all this time for a bottle of wine, she neglected to bring out the bottle chiller until we got our salads, and that was 30 minutes after we had the wine.  Waiting an hour to get salad is pretty ridiculous in itself, but that glaring neglect was made worse by the fact that not more than two or three bites into the salad she brought our dinner.  Are you kidding?!?!  Not only was there not enough time to finish our salad, but there was now not enough room on our small table for everything we had ordered, and had to put our wine bucket on the table next to us.  As we finished our salad, our waitress was MIA for long periods of time, so we had to stack our plates up in order to get our dinner plates in front of us.  The food wasn't bad, I might have actually enjoyed it were it not for the service.  To compound the problem, it was about at this time that we noticed the female owner was walking around in bare feet!  Ok, so Alpine might not be so refined, but if you're trying to present a nice restaurant, you don't walk around without shoes as if we stumbled into your living room.  At this point, we simply wanted to finish our food as quickly as possible and leave, but after the waitress finally brought our check she took another 15 minutes to come back and pick it up.  Sadly, this all could have bee avoided if the couple that owned the restaurant had simply helped out during the course of the night.  Instead, they walked around and talked to people, but mostly sat on their lazy asses at the bar, watching TV and drinking beer.  Once again, we're not in your living room.  Do not go to this restaurant.  One of the worst service experiences I've had in a long while.  

Been listening to Radiohead's "In Rainbows" quite a lot.  At first, it was just the only album that was still in my car when I got it back from the shop, but after 10-15 complete rotations, the album has won my affection yet again.  I have a very strange love-hate thing going on with that record.  I absolutely refused to enjoy it when it was originally leaked, decrying the generic ambient reverb used on Thom Yorke's voice (which I still think sounds ridiculous on some of the songs), and continuously declaring it a step backward for the band, as I thought they were going to make a giant "Kid A-esque" leap forward again.  I reconsidered my position again around the time the album was officially released, and restricted myself to listening to the album exclusively for about a week, and it slowly grew on me in a very generic way.  I began to appreciate the fact that they were writing good, inventive, pop songs, and started to put my concerns about the production to the side.  Standout songs aside, I was now happy with the only Radiohead album that had caused disappointment to wreak havoc on my state of being for a few solid months.  After this initial period, I put the album to bed for a while, only listening infrequently at best when teaching a song or two to one of my students.  Now listening with fresh ears and a renewed excitement for music, I no longer see it as a collection of well-crafted pop songs, but as a few good pop songs by the best band in the world, and a few great pieces of music that make me happy to be alive - by the best band in the world.  Specifically tracks 3,4, & 5 (Nude, Weird Fishes/Arpeggi, All I Need to be exact), when played at a volume just a touch louder than bodyshaking, consistently send the most satisfying shivers through my body and restore my faith that there is good in this world and it is more often than not a voice, or a guitar, or drums doing the good.  Here's to Radiohead, and humanity.





Monday, April 21, 2008

a little bit about beer...

When your favorite craft brewer wins three medals at the World Beer Cup, there is cause for celebration.  So I celebrated by not only drinking a few glasses of Pure Hoppiness from Alpine Beer Company, but turning someone else on to the joy that is preservative free, joyous, double-hopped ale.  My roommate had scarcely heard the phrase"IPA," let alone drank one of the finest examples ever created, and seeing the reaction on his face as he sipped from his glass made me realize something about myself. 

Sure I might like beer, and I might even be a beer snob, but I realized that the sensation i felt when passing on that small nugget of information (taste-bud joy, if you will), was not necessarily triggered by letting someone in on the secret of the greatest craft brewer in San Diego (in my opinion), but by the simple imparting of knowledge that took place.  I realized that this is the same reason I enjoy teaching and yet more importantly, that it is the same reason I love to learn, love to live, and love to love.  The pursuit of life experience and knowledge moves everyone differently, but I realize that I am driven particularly by the need to pass what my body of knowledge/experience on to others.

I don't feel as though it's a narcissistic need, this feeling that I must educate and share with those I care about, but rather that I tread upon this planet as everyone else, accumulating a different set of experiences than the person walking next to me.  So it seems only natural to turn to that person and say. " Hello, want to share?"

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

i'm free from the chain gang now

I'm free from the chain gang now
It's been a long time since I heard
the voice of reason barking
gnawing at my heels, red ankles 
running straight ahead
to tease her, to charm her
convince her that I don't belong
convince her that I don't belong

I'm free from the chain gang now
I am delivered to the countryside
to think alone and hide
away from men sailing silver ships of pride
to lost ports and lost lives
leaving reason, leaving to
convince her that I don't belong
convince her that I don't belong
I don't belong

I'm free, I'm free, oh Lord 
I'm free from the chain gang now
                                       - summer 2006 g.j.g


Welcome to NZfM.  Originally, this was the name of the scholarly journal of the great romantic composers, and although it might not be my aim to directly resurrect that forgotten publication, I find it perfect inspirational fodder.  Indirect influence at its finest.  Hopefully my musings mean something to you...